A fight is a fight is not a rose

Whether you're interested in the Middle East conflict or to your own domestic fights, you should read "He Who Cast the First Stone Probably Didn't" from Daniel Gilbert, an Op-Ed in the New York Times of today.

"Research teaches us that our reasons and our pains are more palpable, more obvious and real, than are the reasons and pains of others. This leads to the escalation of mutual harm, to the illusion that others are solely responsible for it and to the belief that our actions are justifiable responses to theirs."

I was glad to read this, but I would have gone a step further. In my own life, I try (and too often fail) not to consider an aggression as a justification for a retaliation. All aggression is forbidden and unjustified. All too often, what we really want is for the other not to attack us in the first place. There are much better ways to achieve this than to attack in return.

I believe this is how I was raised. My parents would say "I don't care who did what first - this fight has to stop." As usual, there was more wisdom in there than I thought back then.