The 33 victims of Virginia Tech

On the Mall today, it was impossible not to think about the victims of Virginia Tech. As in the rest of the country, the flags were at half-mast. The sun, the chaotic and comforting noise of a dispersed crowd, and the warm wind came across as pleasures 33 people would not enjoy today.

When I read about the shootings, I am overtaken by rage. Such a waste. Such an empty, meaningless event. A stupid and uncalled for death for the victims. I read about them and it only gets worst. For some reason, I often think of Jamie Bishop and Mary Karen Read — I think because I could imagine being friend with him and because she seemed so pure and well-meaning.

When I read about Cho, it also fills me with rage and powerlessness. In class, I want to be the student who goes to him, slap him behind the head and screams, an inch from his nose: "WILL YOU ENGAGE? ARE YOU DEAF OR JUST STUPID?" I want to grab him by the arm that morning, as he leaves his room, and shout: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" I want to reason him, explain that he has no right of life and death over his colleagues and professors. I want to take the guns from his hands, throw them away and teach him a good lesson with my fists. I imagine him, sitting on the floor, looking at me bashed up but enlightened, as if awakening from a dream.

But this is not what would have happened. The man was sick. I have been confronted to mental illness in the past and had the chance not to know it for a few weeks. I say the chance because it allowed me to take seriously a sick person before understanding what was going on. He was not himself, he was even hurting himself. He was about to lose my friendship when I was told that he refused to take his medication as of late and turned this way. From that moment on, I ignored his attacks and resolved not to add to his burden by withdrawing my support and friendship. The illness was making enough damage.

That's why Cho is the 33rd victim of this rampage. He was sick. It's obvious from the videos and his actions. I'm sad for him who also lost his life. He lived a miserable life. No one in his right mind wants to be isolated and despised the way he was. The sickness drove him crazy. He should have been treated, protected from himself. Instead, he was the deadly victim and instrument of an untreated disease.